Play at the Park

Today was a perfect fall day. A little windy, but nothing a nice sweatshirt couldn't handle. We added almost 2 hours to my 500 hour pledge bringing us up to 4 1/2 hours. The weekend looks gorgeous so hopefully we can keep it up.

I went for my morning walk/run, 40 minutes outside for me, while my girls get about 30 for recess ( I count the 30). We picked some carrots, composted some stuff and played outdoors a bit. We also went to the park for a while after school. I went to a different park today to meet a friend and am glad I did. My town's park, which is beautiful and new, is almost always empty. While sometimes I enjoy this so I can play and run around with my girls, other times I want to sit and relax and they want playmates. Its so sad to rarely see another kid at this park. I don't understand what does everyone do? My town doesn't have many neighborhoods so either the kids are on playdates, playing in their yards with siblings or alone, or doing after school activities. A neighboring town, which is really that, a nice little town, with houses close and a real neighborhood feel, is the park we went to today. There I saw children. A group of older boys playing football. Girls climbing on the monkey bars, kids swinging, running and having fun. An older girl pushed my youngest on the swings a bit while I chat with other moms. And no I don't feel one bit guilty about it. I love this town, to bad the taxes are outrageous. But it is the rare place I see kids playing, with no structure, no adults controlling the play. Just time to be a kid, like its the 70s. To not watch tv, no phones or ipads. Just actually free play. I love watching my daughter learn to navigate the kids and find her place playing. And how she keenly observes them to see how well they climb or jump. After some watching she tries to do it to. She's always been a watcher. Today she tried the monkey bars. She fell, poor kid has my upper body strength, or lack of. But practicing on those bars will get her there. And after seeing the other kids she was very determined to get right back up and try again. If we were alone at our town's park she wouldn't have tried. Thinking that's something big kids do, or not something she can do. Seeing her friends she knew she could. And she was right. I love watching her grow in her own right. Free to play, learn and grow

Day 1 500 Hour Outside Challenge

Well day one is here and with the sun setting it is almost gone. Today was,hmmm, trying to say the least. My 3 year old got my last nerve today. She was very trying all day and not listening. I lost my patience too much too. Not my best parenting day, but not my worst either. I got 1/2 hour during the day outside. Cleaning out the car, playing at the farm stand. My goal was another hour at the park which was cut to a short 1/2 hour (I'm counting the 1/2 hour or after today I will feel defeated before I even get going) due to my 3 year old refusing to wear shoes or a jacket in 50 degree weather. So we left the park. I was frustrated with repeating myself multiple times and wasn't going to let her run around in a t-shirt, capris and no shoes. With winter coming soon I need to set a precedent of weather appropriate clothes for outside. So total on day 1, 1 hour. Not great and with a few days of rain this total might not go up much. Looks like we will be making up for it this weekend. I hope. Side note I'm also wearing a pedometer to meet a daily goal of 10,000 steps. I am right at 9,000 and know I will rack up 1,000 more with after bedtime cleaning. So one goal met.

Okay?

Okay? A simple word I found myself saying daily. It was either "can you clean this mess up?" or "we are going to bed now okay?" Why am I giving my kids the option, why am I okaying? them. Why I am checking with them and asking them when there really is nothing to be asked. I feel into this trap once before, right around the time Liv was Eve's age now. And with Eve starting the terrible 2s I started reading parenting books for some inspiration, some ideas and to hopefully help and find ways to limit her tantrums. Right away I realized I was doing it again. I feel back into the okay? is it okay if I discipline you? The ambivalence with adding okay? or can you? to my statements must be so confusing to a toddler. "she said okay? or can you, well I don't feel like so no I can't" is what is often probably going through her head. Why did I fall in this trap again? I read this once years ago and it was like an epiphany to what my parent skills were lacking. Overall I think I'm a pretty good parent, but I have this problem with commanding authority over my kids. But I know I'm not the only one. This is so common today in parenting and I wonder why. I have no problems with my kids questioning me, I'm not for blind obedience to authority figures (google the Milgram experiment to see one huge reason why) but I do want obedience. I want my kids to respect authority, to be responsible and respectful to me as their mom. But I got back in this wishy-washy discipline and believe me my kids noticed and took advantage. Its so hard all the mixed messages our kids see and hear daily I don't want my parenting to be another. Yet as parents many have a hard time correcting our children. Is it our own problem with authority? we are the authority and that is strange or difficult for us to grasp. Is it our need to be friends with our children? Is it our need to protect them from hurt and pain? All of this backfires, our children can be our friends, but we are parents first. We can not protect them from all pain and discomfort, nor should we. We need to expose them so they can deal when they are out "in the real world" The will be inept and not ready if we don't start at home. Exposing them to small trials and tribulations. This will help our children succeed in life, be happy and productive. Isn't that what every parent wants for their kids? Okay? will not get them there. When I opened my most recent parenting book and read this again recently I realize, I'm doing that, again. My own past problems with discipline and authority were again hurting me to be an effective parent. It was amazing the difference in one day of saying "I need you to clean that mess" instead of "can you clean that mess" They listened, no arguments. When Eve did argue she did eventually come around, without a major tantrum. Her tantrums have gone down significantly. This is a great relief to all of us since her tantrums are often epic. The world is overwhelming enough for a toddler, it must be such a great relief for her to know that Momma is in control and Momma is here and a secure figure for her to lean on and rely on. Being a parent isn't supposed to always be easy and fun and okay? is something I need to remind myself not to do. I am a strong, confident woman and need to be a strong confident parent for my girls. This will inturn help them become strong in who they are and confident and secure with themselves.

Another Rainy Day

Its been the rainiest spring, today was another bad one. Thunderstorms, high winds, and flash flood warning so we spent the day inside. It was so bad I didn't even want to drive somewhere to get out of the house for a bit. Last rainy day we splashed in the puddles and looked for worms. This rainy day we spent baking banana zucchini cinnamon chip bread(I'll post the recipe later), coloring, dancing and looking at videos of the girls.

They loved watching their birthday parties and Christmas mornings. Since they are not even 2 and 4 there wasn't too much to look at, but enough to reminisce and see some wonderful memories. I'm so grateful that I bought our camera and will have some amazing videos to watch as they grow older and I grow old. I love hearing their little voices and watching how they change. We watched Eve trying to crawl, her first steps, laughing like a maniac and the first time Liv and Eve met. We watched Liv's second birthday and Christmas. It was lovely to see how she still treasures the gifts Santa has brought her. I also recorded a little bit of them today. I usually ask them the same questions. How old are you? What is your favorite color? Can you say your name? For Eve I asked her some animal sounds and Liv told me about preschool. My Aunt told me that you can never have enough video of your kids and with how fast they grow I'm already realizing that's true.

Church in the Eyes of a 2 year old

Liv loves going to church with me. We go to a progressive Catholic church. It is fairly laid back for a Catholic church, but still has all the wonderful tradition. In our church the kids participate in the Mass. They are expected to sit in the church and listen with everyone else. There is not nursery or Sunday School during Mass. We do a Children's Liturgy of the Word every other week. Children leave the church and get a child's version of what is being discussed, but they still do participate in parts of the Mass. Liv is too young to do this by herself, but I think I might start going with her so she can get a little more out of church on her level. All of a sudden Liv is like a parrot, she repeats everything she hears. Tonight at Mass she had me cracking up at points from some of the things she repeated and commented on. When the priest mentions a Cardinal in his homily Liv started looking for a bird asking "where is the cardinal?" How do you explain that one to a 2 year old when I can't even 100% tell you the hierarchy and what a Cardinal does. On most days Liv describes church as "I get books, read stories, shake hands and get crackers." The shaking hands is when we Catholic's wish each other peace and extend a welcome to people near us in the pews. The crackers, well that is a tradition just at our church and we are joking referred to as the "Cracker Church" because of it. They leave out crackers by where we receive the Eucharist so the younger children who are not participating in communion yet do not feel left out. I do think the children like this part and it does help them participate in church a little more since it is not so geared towards them. Today she also cracked me up asking about the "hospital" which really was the gospel. She asked over and over what the gospel was. I quietly replied the word of God. She also stated very loudly "what's that farting?" when a man moved his chair (we had chairs in church and pews. She repeated this every time he moved his chair. But other then the crackers and shaking hands Liv's other favorite part is the music. She loves to watch people since, play instruments and for the parishioners to get involved. I love when they play more lively music since we both seem to enjoy that better. What a better place to gain a love of music? Kids so rarely hear live music anymore so it is nice that once a week Liv hears live singing, drums, organ, piano and guitar. Told you we are a progressive Catholic church. Sometimes she even gets to hear bells. The music is always beautiful and on certain occasions some busy but very amazing singers join the choir and to hear them is so moving I almost always get tears in my eyes. Tonight a beautiful young woman sang Ave Maria and it got the whole church clapping after her performance and even clapping along to the beats. What a fun little music lesson right in the middle of church? Tempo and beat. The one thing I feel our church is missing is a children choir. I think Liv would love seeing that on occasion. I might google other local churches to see if they have one we could watch one Sunday. I love how excited she gets when you ask her what happened in church and how much she truly enjoys going. I know this may not always be the case, but I can hope for the best and pray that this foundation of Church, Christ and faith grows strong roots in both of my girls.

Pee Pee in the Potty

I've been wanting to get Liv going on the potty for a while. I hate diapers and she has been getting diaper rash lately. She is not the type of child that the typical tokens work for. I've heard sticker charts, m&ms and all other sorts of behavior mod to get children to potty train.

For her I knew something very simple would motivate her. Seeing her older cousin in big girl underwear. It worked like a charm. Since their visit Liv has gone pee in the potty every time except at nap and nightime. She is still asking to poop in a diaper and I'm okay with that for now. One thing at a time. I love Liv getting to see children older and younger. With older children she can see where she is going and with younger children she can see where she has been. I think for a child her age, 2 1/2, somewhere in between baby and preschooler it is even more important since so many things are changing and she is growing up so quick. This is one reason why I would love mixed aged preschools. The ability to move around, freedom to be a baby or be with the babies if they need or to be a big kid and practice other big kid things. Since there are no preschools like this I just make an effort to have playdates with kids of different ages. Just because my friend's child is only 18months doesn't mean Liv can not play with her. I have a harder time finding older children since I'm one of the first on my friends to have children, but she does have 2 cousins, one a few months older. I often played with my younger cousins. I think it helped prepare me for being a mom. I also played with my older cousins, but being boys they taught me more about sports and being able to take some teasing. These things helped shape me helped me learn. Big girl underwear, seeing Lily wearing them was all the motivation Liv needed.Sometimes peer pressure can be good. She wants to get wear underwear too. So Liv understands that to wear them she needs to pee in the potty. Simple and yet it works. Nothing else worked before this. I didn't push any other methods too far, since with each of them she pushed back very hard so I just let potty training go for a bit. I'm hoping we keep peeing and eventually pooping in the potty. 1 in diapers is a little easier on my budget then 2.

Newborn, second time around

I recently read a saying that went something like this "a first time mom will need all the help she can get, a second time mom will manage just fine and a third time mom, she can come help you."

So far I am greatly agreeing with this.
The second time around I just feel more confident in my parenting. I know what to expect and I have already learned that going with the flow and not by the book will make life so much easier.
Last time I could not get Liv to sleep with out me. I eventually started co-sleeping, even though I read many places how it sets up bad habits and is a SIDS risk. After do some research on my own and even seeing more research how it can prevent SIDS I was happy with my decision. But mostly I was just happy to get some sleep.
This time I knew right away I wanted to co-sleep for the first few months, so even though I have 2 kids, a toddler and a newborn, so I'm not able to sleep much if at all during the day, I am more rested this time then last with my first.

I am not panicked or worried about breastfeeding, is she getting enough, should she be sucking so much, am I making enough? Going to La Leche meetings last time with the questions helped me this time to just relax and nurse on demand. And just living through this experience once before makes me realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel of all this constant breastfeeding.
Even though I have less time for me, and for blogging, I feel okay with how my home is running and life if going with two kids. My house isn't perfect, but its not a mess either.
Now lets just see if I can brave shopping with 2 kids..that one still freaks me out.

Related articles

• 7 things moms really need to know about breastfeeding (parentcentral.ca)
• Co-sleeping has no effect on toddlers: study (theglobeandmail.com)

This the Season..of shopping

Image via Wikipedia

Today I went to Target to get some much need baby supplies and that place was screaming Christmas.
Every year it seems earlier and ealier this stuff comes out so you have a longer season to buy.
But really isn't Christmas everyday for most American children?
An American child an average receives 70 toys a year. That is almost 6 a month, and you know that is not all just from Christmas and their birthday.
This Christmas Liv is only getting about 5 toys from us. So her Christmas she will get receiving less toys then the average child gets most other months. Well realistically lots of those toys for other children are from Christmas and birthdays, but they are not getting 35 toys from each of those holidays.
As a child I only got toys on my birthday, Christmas and an Easter basket with some toys and candy. That is it. When I got my Nintendo for Christmas I played Duck Hunt and Mario Brothers till my birthday, we I got some more games for it.
We have become a nation of consumers we are addicted to it.
Children will learn to appriciate gifts and toys if they do not get one everytime they leave the house or everytime they get an A.
In addition to the problems I see in child-rearing when children receive so many toys the Green "tree hugger" gets disgusted by the amount of waste wwith all of these toys.
Most of the toys children play with are disposable, plastic, and poorly made. They are not made to last. They often end up sitting in landfills once a child grows bored with them. And really what does this teach our children?
That they can not be happy with out lots of stuff or the newest items out there.
It start younger and younger. And as a parent it is your duty to prevent this from a young age.
Liv has a very limited number of toys. Part of the reason is with me not working we can not afford lots, but I do make a conscience effort to limit the junk in our home.
I try to limit the amount of plastic toys. I think just about every plastic toy Liv has was received as a gift.
I also limit her tv, right now it is to zero! I do not need her seeing commercials that are just designed to make her want and find happiness in material goods.
I hope I can teach her to appriciate the gifts she receives, material and other gifts that we see daily, and those other gifts are what I focus on.
The smell of fresh made blueberry bars, mixing them together and tasting our work. Being close and spending our days together. Sitting on the couch reading or just watching the wind blow through the trees. These are truly enjoyable things, that don't hurt my wallet, my mother earth and leave me with a healthing longing, not an addiction like longing for more then I need or can afford.

Is Civility Dead?

Image by Jeanne-Erin via Flickr

I am not a morning person. No matter how much sleep I get I still drag in the morning. Since being a SAHM my morning routine is usually drinking a cup of green tea while watching the Today Show while Liv plays.
This week they have been doing a series on Civility and is it dead.
Having a young child I often feel I see the best and worst of people. I have had strangers rush ahead to open a door for me while holding Liv, I have also have strangers let a door slam in my face behind them while holding Liv and a bag of books at the library.
I have had people ofter to let me go in front of them in line at a store, or even to vote, while on my way out Liv smiles and waves at another person and they rudely look away. Like it is so hard to smile back to a 14 month old who is excited to see you and your dog?
I've have had people smile at me when Liv yells and screams in delight, I have also have had people stare in contempt.
I've had people smile and chat about how lovely my newborn is while I nurse her in public. I have also been stared down and talked bad about how I nurse my daughter in public.
Most of the time I feel Liv brings out the best in other people's manner, but when people are rude around her it just seems so much worse then.
It really makes my day when Liv waves and smiles at a person who just seems to be having a bad day, and when they see her happy smile, sparkling blues and her had waving away they for a second forget what was bothering them and smile at my little girl. Very often I can tell that the person is saying to themselves "that made my day." The pure innocence of a child's smile is usually enough to melt the coldest hearts.
But I still see people being rude and crude to others. With or with out a child it is just the right thing to do to hold the door for someone behind you, to say thank you and please and to just have common courtesy for others. I try my best to model these behaviors for Liv so she will grow up using manners.
Do unto others, love thy neighbor, we all live on this earth together.
We need to share it and make our time here together pleasant. A little civility goes a long way and can really help our days be easier and less stressful.

Related articles

• What happened to please and thank you? (today.msnbc.msn.com)
• Folks More Rude and Less Civilized? (adweek.com)