Manners and etiquette, long gone?

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Today I was shopping at a children's consignment shop. I am now 8 months pregnant and was holding my almost 2 year old's hand trying to get in the door when a women rushed out to get more bags from her car. She said excuse me. But really shouldn't she be waiting for a pregnant woman and a child, not trying to cut ahead? Is your time really that important, that more important than mine?
At first I thought this was the owner, and was about to leave since I didn't want to give someone like that my business. Then I realized this is another customer trying to sell her stuff to the shop. So I went on my way shopping.
I just think of my little girl, not even 2, who has better manners then this woman. She says please and thank you (we are working on your welcome since she always responds to thank you with another thank you) she even says bless you when someone sneezes.
I was not raised with good manners or etiquette, but as I got older I realized the importance and how bratty I probably was as a child so I always said I would instill good manners in my children.
Honestly I have not found it hard either. I make sure to always say please and thank you and Liv has just caught on.
I just love seeing children using good manner, its always puts a smile on my face. I can recall last time I was pregnant a boy, maybe all of 4 held the door open for me. This made my day.
To me most often bad manners just shows me that you think your time is more important then mine. This is such a selfish attitude. No wonder society is the way it is with people walking around thinking this way.
Someone is late, what I have nothing better to do then wait around for you?
Holding the door, someone can't take 20 seconds out of their day to help out a pregnant woman, a child, the elderly or just anyone who might not have his/her hands free.
I had a woman block me in at the grocery store last month with her cart. Said excuse me, she looked at me and looked around at the boxes blocking me in on the other side. "What do u want me to do?" She said moving on with looking for her purchase. "Move your cart so I can get out?"
Again another selfish act. She expected me to wait for her to pick out her meat, which can take a while, then take 5 seconds to move her cart out of the way.
People talking or texting while out with friends, is something else better going on. You can't enjoy the company of others and give them your full attention?
Talking loud on cellphones in public places. Lack of cellphone etiquette is a huge pet peeve of mine. I hate when I go to a register and have to wait for the cashier to finish up his/her text. People have no pride in their work at all.
When did we become so self-centered?
What ever happened to love thy neighbor?
I can not change the world, but I am glad that I am teaching my own children that walking around thinking that the world revolves around you is not okay. I feel good teaching them brotherhood for their fellow man. Yes I feel manners are a simple start of this.
Manners show respect to yourself and others.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
These may sound cliched, but they are true.

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Getting Your Child to Help Out

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It is never to early to get your child to help out around the house. I really believe the earlier this habit is instilled the better. Liv is only 15 months old and she helps me unload the dishwasher, put toys away, hands me clothes pins when I am hanging wash on the line and put things in the trash or laundry basket for me. She also "helps" wash dishes by sitting next to me while washing. She also "helps" me cook and bake. She loves mixing.
She really enjoys helping me out and I enjoy teaching her how to maintain our home. It is so wonderful to help her feel capable of doing things for herself and others, make her feel that her help makes a difference, and to connect to her in simple ways.
These are all very important for a child of any age. Too often parents want to do it all for their children, but they are doing themselves and their children a great disservice. When children can they should. If children don't feel they are capable they feel worthless, dependent (in a negative way) and incompetent. Doing everything for you child also makes them feel entitled, makes them lazy, selfish and self-centered. They also can become very unappreciative of the things you are doing for them and things other people do for them.
Now her helping can be additional work for me. It takes time to wait for her to unload each fork at a time, to hand me a clothespin or to wait for her to waddle over with some laundry. But isn't time a patience what being a good parent is about? I am teaching her simple skills, but the fact that I am making her feel valuable, teaching her to be appreciated and appreciate, teaching teamwork and the value of helping each other and doing things for one another makes all the extra time worth it.
And I really do enjoy doing these simple things with her. I look back on my own childhood and I don't remember my mom playing with me on the floor, I remember folding laundry together, or baking cookies.
Another plus of getting child to help out early is hopefully in the future she will take over some chores and help our family run smoother. My house may not look perfect, but it feels like a home and all who in it help make it this way. We are creating many great memories in just the daily rhythm of our day.

Related articles

• Adolescence and chores. (psychologytoday.com)

This the Season..of shopping

Image via Wikipedia

Today I went to Target to get some much need baby supplies and that place was screaming Christmas.
Every year it seems earlier and ealier this stuff comes out so you have a longer season to buy.
But really isn't Christmas everyday for most American children?
An American child an average receives 70 toys a year. That is almost 6 a month, and you know that is not all just from Christmas and their birthday.
This Christmas Liv is only getting about 5 toys from us. So her Christmas she will get receiving less toys then the average child gets most other months. Well realistically lots of those toys for other children are from Christmas and birthdays, but they are not getting 35 toys from each of those holidays.
As a child I only got toys on my birthday, Christmas and an Easter basket with some toys and candy. That is it. When I got my Nintendo for Christmas I played Duck Hunt and Mario Brothers till my birthday, we I got some more games for it.
We have become a nation of consumers we are addicted to it.
Children will learn to appriciate gifts and toys if they do not get one everytime they leave the house or everytime they get an A.
In addition to the problems I see in child-rearing when children receive so many toys the Green "tree hugger" gets disgusted by the amount of waste wwith all of these toys.
Most of the toys children play with are disposable, plastic, and poorly made. They are not made to last. They often end up sitting in landfills once a child grows bored with them. And really what does this teach our children?
That they can not be happy with out lots of stuff or the newest items out there.
It start younger and younger. And as a parent it is your duty to prevent this from a young age.
Liv has a very limited number of toys. Part of the reason is with me not working we can not afford lots, but I do make a conscience effort to limit the junk in our home.
I try to limit the amount of plastic toys. I think just about every plastic toy Liv has was received as a gift.
I also limit her tv, right now it is to zero! I do not need her seeing commercials that are just designed to make her want and find happiness in material goods.
I hope I can teach her to appriciate the gifts she receives, material and other gifts that we see daily, and those other gifts are what I focus on.
The smell of fresh made blueberry bars, mixing them together and tasting our work. Being close and spending our days together. Sitting on the couch reading or just watching the wind blow through the trees. These are truly enjoyable things, that don't hurt my wallet, my mother earth and leave me with a healthing longing, not an addiction like longing for more then I need or can afford.

Unconditional Parenting-Book Review

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is a great read for any parent. He has looked a many studies involving parent and discipline and basically tells the reader that most parenting books out there are wrong. He shows with real studies what how to show your child you unconditionally love him.
Most parents do love their child, but he shows with psychological studies how many parenting styles touted by so called experts can teach young children that your love comes with the condition of the being well behaved.
He calls time out "love-withdrawl." And when he breaks it down it makes sense that is how a young child will view it. When a young child acts out and you put them in a room or corner alone, he is not thinking about what he did wrong, he is either thinking that mommy is mad and doesnt care or thinking about how to avoid punishment next time.
He also discusses the inverse power of praise which was also recently discussed in another great book Nurture Shock.
There is really so much in this book that really makes you re-think parenting and ignore all the other parent books and go with your instinct, which is what I feel his book lets you do.
Kohn definitely has a rainbow colored glasses with this book, but his basic ideas are great and just for that its worth the read.
Hopefully in the future I will go into great detail about his book and how I apply it to my daily life with Liv.

Related articles

• John Tropea: Alfie Kohn - Unconditional Parenting (alfiekohn.org)
• Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!" (alfiekohn.org)
• Punished by Rewards? A Conversation with AK (alfiekohn.org)
• Parental Love with Strings Attached (alfiekohn.org)