Dangers of CIO

I have never been a huge Cry It Out fan (CIO) something in my heart just never felt right about leaving my baby to cry in the dark to "teach" her to sleep on her own. Believe me there were nights with my first I was so exhausted and frustrated I wanted to, but I never did. I might of left her crying for a few minutes to compose myself and get some energy and relax so I could better soothe my baby, but never left her long and never did this to teach her to sleep.
In an ideal world babies would not be left to cry, but we do not live in an ideal world. Parenting has become increasing isolating and lonely, which is why so many of us SAHM come to the internet for support and advice.

Moms and Dads have to get up for work, grandparents are miles away, siblings, aunts, uncles are not around to help give mom and dad a break, a high needs baby, a baby with other young children, there are many reasons why parents turn to CIO. One big one is the idea that your baby should be sleeping through the night. Once you get over all the shoulds that come with parenting life will be much easier. Baby should be sleeping 5 hours by 3 months, no more night nursing after 9 months. All these rules and suggestions about parenting drive us nuts. Baby needs to sleep in his back, in his own crib, on a hard mattress with nothing, and to top it all off baby needs to learn to fall asleep on his own around 4 months. If not let him cry. To me what is the worst part about all these recommendations is that if your baby doesn't sleep through the night is that you feel like you failed or did something wrong.
This is how I felt during a lot of the first few months with my first.
Liv would only sleep with me, only nurse to sleep. I heard it all, that is dangerous to co-sleep (this is a myth and many studies show that co-sleeping prevents SIDS) that they will never leave your bed, that I am creating a bad habit.
I just have to say that I am lucky that my Aunts and mom did their own thing and nursed us, slept with us and rocked us to sleep. Once I heard that and found attachment parenting I decided to ignore the should of and lead with my heart.
I often saw blogs and post about the physical and emotional dangers of CIO, but most of it was on attachment parenting forums or blogs. I was surprised to see an article about it on WWW.psychologytoday.com a resource I used often in college and several times when I was working on my masters degree in Social Work.
Here is a great article about how crying it and leaving a baby to cry goes against our natural instincts and there is a reason for it.
As I stated about I don't want people who are struggling with a colic or high needs baby to think they are failing or bad. Or just someone who needs to take 5 from a screaming baby, like I admit to having done.
I just want to expose people to other ideas and science other then what the American Pediatrics suggests and almost orders us to do, or according to them, we are not doing our jobs as parents right.
Parenting is not an exact science, but more and more science has been showing us that what we feel in our hearts is most often what is best for your baby.
So feel free and confident to nurse your baby, "spoil" them, hold them tight, kiss them, sleep with them, attend to all their cries, and dote on them and love them as you feel is best.

Newborn Necessities

Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby and your neighbor and mom friends will often tell you of all the items you need to buy your newborn. I always had a hard time submitting to this idea that newborns need so much junk. The practical, green being just hates spending money and wasting resources on stuff that will be used for such a short time and after being used maybe once or twice more by another kid will end up in a landfill.
The one thing everyone told me I need is a swing. I registered for one and didn't get it. After buying a nice crib set we didn't have much left so I didn't get a swing. We did end up getting one from a friend and I'm so glad we got it used.
Both Ev and Liv are not fans. I was hoping that Ev might like it, but right now its collecting dust in our living room.
I also registered for a fancy expensive playmate. I don't know why. I just put Ev on the ground with a blanket and some toys and a child's mirror. Same effect and purpose for an 1/8 of the cost.
A bassinet, this could be good if you child sleeps well alone. Liv didn't and Ev doesn't right now so we co-sleep. I was very stress about this with Liv, thinking she would never sleep alone (I support co-sleeping completely, but long term its not for me) and at 3/4 months she slept in her crib.
Cribs, I spent the extra money on a great quality convertible crib. One that goes to a toddler bed then to a full bed. Now she will have it for life, or at least as long as she is living in my house. Now that is green.
The only items I really found as a necessity for the first months are the following; tub with a sling, boppy or a nursing pillow, baby carrier (moby, bijorn) and a bouncer for sleep and its great for kids with reflux, which my first had. A glider is also a huge buy for me. I spent so many nights rocking Liv and nursing her in the glider. We now read together on it, she still loves sitting on my lap and reading together then singing some songs before bed.
I never had a exersaucer, a walker, fancy swings or other gizmos and I did find.

Save the money and put it in a college fund for you kids.
Most of the stuff is a gimick just to sell money. Few of the stuff they claim that makes life easier actually does.

Related articles

• Co-sleeping with a newborn and occasional toddler: co-sleeping crib (nurturingcareermama.wordpress.com)
• No More Bumpers: Pediatricians Recommend Spartan Infant Cribs (blogs.wsj.com)

Babies Don't Keep

I would love to have a sleep schedule for my newborn. It would be so nice that at 9, 1 and 4 I could put her down for a nap in her crib and do what I need to do. Some people somehow manage this with children this young. I think they must have easy babies, or have nothing else to do then get them on a schedule or spend all their time working on one.
It is very easy for a newborn to get over stimulated, and once they do it can take a lot to get them to sleep. After an hour tops, Ev starts to show signs of over stimulation. In an ideal world before this I would go up to her room (as most parenting books suggest) do a nap routine and put her in her crib sleepy. Since she isn't over stimulated and just starting to get tired theoretically she should easily go down.
This is great in theory, but who has the time. Every 2 hours to make sure this happens, I would have no time for anything else. By the time a basic breakfast of cereal is over Ev is already in over stimulation mode. Things like this is why idea like Babywise and other baby theorist drive me nuts. Yes if I had the time maybe, but who does?
So for these first few months I do what I have to to get my little girl to sleep. Often that is putting her in a baby carrier and getting ready or cleaning or doing whatever was needed to be done, and in the carrier she falls asleep. She may fight it if she is very over tired, but its rare that she gets to that point. Often I will sit on the couch and read with Liv while Ev nurses to sleep. We have a nice relaxing family time. When we are done reading I often sit with Ev for a bit, I am tired from having a newborn wake a night, and when she is over stimulated she wakes very easily when first falling asleep. This is common.
So I made sure to stock my mind, and bookcase, with nursey rhymes, fingerplays and movement songs to sing to my older daughter. She will dance around while we sit and watch. She will also read to us.
We sometimes dance or walk around the house or yard. I just put Ev in the moby or bijorn (always the bijorn when dancing)and Ev gets lulled to sleep while Liv gets some one on one momma time.

Today I laid down with Ev during Liv's nap to get her to sleep. I could use the rest too. I should of showered, cleaned, done laundry, all sorts of things, but I just laid down with my newborn and relaxed.
I learned with my first that these first few months can't be bothered with sleep schedules, or strict feeding schedules or worrying how clean your house is. Getting your child to sleep more at night, and soothing them when they are tired and upset is more important. And getting some rest for yourself too.
This is not the time to worry about when they can self-soothe, it will happen eventually. When they will sleep in their own crib, or or when they will sleep on schedule. It will happen. These first few months are a hard adjustment to your baby too. They spent 24/7 in your womb, being a nice warm temperature, being held and rocked, and always having a nice full belly.
I learned with my first this time goes so quick, so don't stress, enjoy this time. I keep telling myself this. It goes so quick. I don't know how I have a 2 year old already. That time went amazingly fast.

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep -Ruth Hamilton

Related articles

• New SIDS Guidelines Say Breastfeeding Lowers Risk (webmd.com)

Newborn, second time around

I recently read a saying that went something like this "a first time mom will need all the help she can get, a second time mom will manage just fine and a third time mom, she can come help you."

So far I am greatly agreeing with this.
The second time around I just feel more confident in my parenting. I know what to expect and I have already learned that going with the flow and not by the book will make life so much easier.
Last time I could not get Liv to sleep with out me. I eventually started co-sleeping, even though I read many places how it sets up bad habits and is a SIDS risk. After do some research on my own and even seeing more research how it can prevent SIDS I was happy with my decision. But mostly I was just happy to get some sleep.
This time I knew right away I wanted to co-sleep for the first few months, so even though I have 2 kids, a toddler and a newborn, so I'm not able to sleep much if at all during the day, I am more rested this time then last with my first.

I am not panicked or worried about breastfeeding, is she getting enough, should she be sucking so much, am I making enough? Going to La Leche meetings last time with the questions helped me this time to just relax and nurse on demand. And just living through this experience once before makes me realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel of all this constant breastfeeding.
Even though I have less time for me, and for blogging, I feel okay with how my home is running and life if going with two kids. My house isn't perfect, but its not a mess either.
Now lets just see if I can brave shopping with 2 kids..that one still freaks me out.

Related articles

• 7 things moms really need to know about breastfeeding (parentcentral.ca)
• Co-sleeping has no effect on toddlers: study (theglobeandmail.com)

Newborn, second time around

I recently read a saying that went something like this "a first time mom will need all the help she can get, a second time mom will manage just fine and a third time mom, she can come help you."

So far I am greatly agreeing with this.
The second time around I just feel more confident in my parenting. I know what to expect and I have already learned that going with the flow and not by the book will make life so much easier.
Last time I could not get Liv to sleep with out me. I eventually started co-sleeping, even though I read many places how it sets up bad habits and is a SIDS risk. After do some research on my own and even seeing more research how it can prevent SIDS I was happy with my decision. But mostly I was just happy to get some sleep.
This time I knew right away I wanted to co-sleep for the first few months, so even though I have 2 kids, a toddler and a newborn, so I'm not able to sleep much if at all during the day, I am more rested this time then last with my first.

I am not panicked or worried about breastfeeding, is she getting enough, should she be sucking so much, am I making enough? Going to La Leche meetings last time with the questions helped me this time to just relax and nurse on demand. And just living through this experience once before makes me realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel of all this constant breastfeeding.
Even though I have less time for me, and for blogging, I feel okay with how my home is running and life if going with two kids. My house isn't perfect, but its not a mess either.
Now lets just see if I can brave shopping with 2 kids..that one still freaks me out.

Helping Liv get through this sleep regression

I had to implement the No Cry Sleep Solution back with Liv since her nights have got so bad.
In an ideal world I wouldn't have to worry about her night time seperation anxiety getting to her. I would love to be co-sleeping still, but with my husband and I both being poor sleepers we were actually disturbing Liv too much a night. So the next best thing for me would be to hsve her crib in my room, but my room in way too small for that. So we are stuck with her in her own room and having to work through seperation anxiety.
Many parents books say go in, check on them, if nothing is wrong let them cry and they will stop. As some one who as panic attacks and anxiety I could never let my paniced daughter just scream and cry. I know how horrible anxiety feels, like your heart is going to jump from your chest, like you might sufficate, like the world is spinning out of control. I can not let her go through that alone.
When she first started to have these night wakenings she was very paniced, shaking and screaming. I would immediately go to her, pick her up and rock her or nurse her back to sleep. This is also the first phase in the NCSS. We already have used her plan before so some of the other pre-steps we already have. Liv sleeps with a snoedel that I wore to make it smell like me. She also sleeps with a Seahorse that plays soothing music.
We also have key words.
Next after about 2 weeks of doing this Liv was still waking a lot, but not as paniced so I felt it was time to go on the phase 2. This involves not picking her up, but using soothing pats to get her back to sleep, while she is still in her crib. We have been doing this now for about 2 weeks and are moving on to phase 3. Phase 3 is comfort with out pick ups. This does not work to well for Liv so I modified it for her. That is one of the things I love about the NCSS. It is not a strict program that you must follow to a tee. You have flexability so you are able to do what feels right to you.
This, to me, is what is wrong with most Cry It Out programs. There is no flexabilty. You must follow the program, no matter what, or they claim it will not work right. No matter how hard or long your child cries you either check on them at timed intervals (Feber Method) or just leave them to cry alone (extinction method).
Our modification of phase 3 goes like this, when Liv stands up and goes to the side of her crib and cries out for me I immediately go in and first check to see if anything is wrong. If not I lay her on her belly or side (she is over 1year) put on her seahorse, tell her its night-nights and leave the room. I leave the door open and the door to my bedroom is open. The doors are right across for each other so she can peak into my bedroom. Then if she continues to cry I wait a min or so. How long I wait depends on how she is crying. If she is wailing I go right back in. Then I repeat. Since she has been weaned to this gently this whole process so far as not lasted more then 10 min, usually closer to 5. With the Ferber method she would have been left to cry the whole time. With this method, yes there is some crying, but I reassure her, give her some love with a hug or some words and let her know that momma is here in something is wrong, but right now you just need to sleep. At anytime she is too upset I stop the "training" and either nurse her, rock her or bring her in bed with me. This is a huge no-no in other methods. But I use my momma instincts to guide the way of getting her to sleep. Also if she is just whinning I leave her be, unless she stands up. For Liv that is her "I need you"
One good point Pantley makes in her book that children do make noises in there sleep. Sometimes they even cry, so give them an minute to resettle themselves and see if they really need you. This is why I love having a video monitor. When Liv cries I usually check it first. If she is not standing she usually cries out, grabs her pacifer or she snoedel and is right back asleep.

This way takes a lot longer then sleep training. I have been doing this for weeks now when most sleep training books say it takes several nights or so to get results. But to me I could not take hours of her crying. It doesn't feel right and it just hurts me so I can't imagine how Liv must feel. This was she is eased into sleeping right and I am seeing good results.

As a parent I feel much more comfortable with this method then any cry it out method. I also just feel that it would not work well with my child. She is stubborn at this young age. I feel she would cry forever till I gave her some attention.

And really what is wrong with giving you child attention when they cry? No contrary to popular belief that it will not spoil your child or teach them to cry for attention, as long as you child is getting positive attention. It will teach them that my mom and dad care, and will respond to my needs, love me uncondionally and help them be more secure and independent in the future

Week 51 Sleep regression

Image via Wikipedia

For about 2 weeks now we have had a horrible sleep regression. I am exhausted. Liv has been waking up multiple times to nurse or just to be rocked and help a bit. Some night we have been co-sleeping, but she wakes up so early when she is in our bed. I am really hoping this passes soon.
I have read that babies this age do this, either because of developmental milestones(walking which she hasn't reached it yet) and seperation anxiety. 2 weeks is a long time for a sleep regression with Liv, usually they last tops a week.
Lets hope she sleeps for me tonight.

Sleep essentials

I've posted before about the trials and tribulations of Liv and her bad sleep patterns. Now at almost a year she goes down very easy. She has been doing this for a while and on most nights only wakes once between 2-5.
Liv has a few sleep essentials that help her get to sleep.
Binkies-Liv needs a binkie, this option can be controversal, but she really seemed to need it as a baby, and does not seem to be ready to wean at all.

Snoedel doll-this organic cotton doll is Liv's lovey. This lovey was pushed upon her for a while. Since she was such a poor sleeper, waking often I used this to help. It took a bit for her to want this doll, but it works wonders now. I wore the doll under my shirt so it smells like me and for months this doll was only taken out at sleep time and in the crib. Now when she is tired she reaches for this doll and strokes it against her face.

Seahorse- This little glowworm like doll sits in the corner of her crib. I put her in the crib awake and push its belly. Its lights up and plays 5 min of music. This was key when I was trying to get her to sleep on her own and now its just a nice part to her routine.

I needed to this, this is essential for Liv and I forgot it in my original post. I noise machine. Liv sleeps to the sounds of the ocean. It is so relaxing. I love listening to the noise of it over the monitor all night long. I start the sound machine when we go in her room at the beginning of her routine and leave it on all night. It keeps out noises in the house, and is just another cue for her that its sleep time. The machine I bought Liv is the Homedics one, which is very inexpensive and can operate on batteries or with headphones. So its very portable and can be used in many situations, even when she is older if she still needs it.

We co-slept full-time till 4 months and part-time till a little after 6 months. The transtion was actually very easy and very natural. We still occasionally co-sleep on nights when she is having a rough time, like last week when she was sick. These tips might help you transition out of co-sleeping if you want to or if it wasnt working out for you, which was the case for us. I love love love co-sleeping, but my little Liv is a wild girl in her sleep and would wake DH and me up. And worse I think she gets that from both DH and I so we would wake her up often too. This is when I decided to transition her to her crib and started to use some of these things to make it easy on her.


These are essential to our sleep routine and can help get your LO to sleep in her crib, with out resorting to CIO methods.